I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize