My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
