she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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