I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
