Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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