this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My vagina is officially offended.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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