Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
