paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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