just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
