We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
