were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
