Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
