coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
