Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
