If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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