Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
