THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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