"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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