Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
