grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
