stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
