Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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