got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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