And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
