i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
