I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
