youre lurking in front of me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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