i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Is it because I queefed?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
