You're a womanizer and a bitch.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
