Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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