she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
