It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This is classic penis vs brain.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
