Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize