Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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