Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
