i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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