hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize