Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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