whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize