am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
