There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
