i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
