Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
