I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
