You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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