ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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