And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
