That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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