if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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