you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
