Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
