he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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