I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
