He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it hurts more in the daytime
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
NoShamevember. You game?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
