What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
