I just saw a hot homeless man
I am in a vortex of obligation.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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