did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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