Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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