How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i've created a new STD.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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