I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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