going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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