Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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