piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
