i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
