yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize