Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
How's work?
Spinning.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
