U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i think my cat just said my name.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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