Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
