the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
