Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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