last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
