you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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