I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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