Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
