Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
