The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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