so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
