i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
