Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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