you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
